Thanksgiving & Gratitude

(∆AX Formal Chapter Devotion: November 23, 2008)

As we sit here together, the end of the semester is drawing to a close. Can you believe it? It seems like such a short time ago that we were first meeting each other or reconnecting with each other after a summer apart. And as I stand here before you, I have a choice: I can either focus on all of the things I have left to tie up before year’s end and the things that have slipped through my fingers, or I can thank our God for His goodness, blessings and grace. I know, how cliché? The weekend before Thanksgiving and I am speaking about gratitude. But shouldn’t it always be the song of our heart? Not just on the third Thursday of each November because we have an amazing spread of food in front of our eyes and tummies.

Let’s try something together. I will give you a second to think about one thing you are thankful for. Let it be the first thing that comes into your head. -----

We have so much to be thankful for, but why do we forget? What keeps us from seeing the many blessings that God has poured out over our lives? Much of the times everything going on distracts us, whether it’s good or bad. Let’s look at a story in the gospel of Luke about some men with leprosy.

“Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, "Jesus, Master, have pity on us!"
When he saw them, he said, "Go, show yourselves to the priests." And as they went, they were cleansed.
One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. He threw himself at Jesus' feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.
Jesus asked, ‘Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?’ Then he said to him, ‘Rise and go; your faith has made you well.’” – Luke 17:11-19

Each man was healed but only one came back. Each one acted in faith at Christ’s command, but only one understood the significance of Christ’s blessings. The others were too overwhelmed with the idea that they were healed. They had lost focus of the One who did the healing. Not only was the one who returned healed physically, but he was healed spiritually by his faith too.
No matter how small, satan delights in getting our focus off of praising Christ and on to something else. Our circumstances so easily distract us from seeing the blessings that overflow from God’s throne. In 2 Corinthians, Paul understood that.

“For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed… All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.” – 2 Corinthians 4:6-9,15

So many times we get caught up in this “me-syndrome” that has us looking through “me-vision” and our problems and circumstances become monumental. Any good thing is dwarfed by disappointment and struggles. But Christ has come to give us laser surgery. He cuts out the selfishness and the short focus, broadens our scope, reshapes our eyes and gives us His vision. It is through His eyes that the struggles of this world begin to shrink because of His all-surpassing power and grace that causes thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

In order to be renewed with “Jesus-vision” we have to first remember just what God has done for us through Christ and why. Our heavenly Father, full of love, knew that this world was going to be broken and chaotic. He knew that we could not do anything on our own and that we were going to center our lives on what we perceived as good. He knew that we were going to trip and fall and sin, but He still loved us. He loved us each so much that He sent Christ as our Savior to redeem the world and reunited us with Him. He sees us now, even when we make mistake after mistake, as what we are because of Christ, not who we are in this world. He created an active and living relationship between Him and us that is free from rules and regulations and responsibilities and expectations. We can never possibly disappoint Him and He continues loving us.

The realization and understanding of this humbles our hearts. We truly recognize that we have nothing without God. We have nothing to offer God, yet He longs to be in a relationship with us so that we can share in His never-ending supply of love. The thought that my Daddy, my Abba Father, would do anything to be in a loving relationship to save me both brings me to my knees and pours humility over my pride, causing me to rejoice with thanksgiving to Him.

Our God has given us the gift of life. He has given us salvation. Scripture declares this:

“Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes,
let him take the free gift of the water of life.” – Revelation 22:17
“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life
in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 6:23
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith
— and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—
not by works, so that no one can boast.” – Ephesians 2:8-9

He has given it to us freely, without expectations and without requirements. What can we do but receive it and thank Him? “Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our ‘God is a consuming fire.’” – Hebrews 12:28-19. In fact, the apostle Paul says it quite frankly in 2 Corinthians 9:15 “Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!”

Everything the Father blesses us with in addition to salvation is like a cherry on top of a sundae each time. For “every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” – James 1:17. Our Father delights to bless us, we just have to begin to recognize it and live in those blessings.

So how do we become thankful? First, we see in Jesus-vision and recognize just how much we need the benefit or the blessing. This happens when we humble ourselves before the Father’s throne realizing our need for His life and salvation to be at work with in us. Then, quite simply, we are moved to express thanks. Thanksgiving is a simple word. It is the act of giving thanks. It is thanks-giving. Begin to express it, both small and large, in the good and bad. Thanksgiving can take so many forms. It is praise to God. It is worship. It is an opportunity to express yourself to your Creator and Savior. The Word tells us to be thankful both to God and among each other. Colossians 3:15-17 -“Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Continue to grow in Christ, seeing like Him, living like Him. In everything be thankful. Let it be the overflow of your heart. The more your give thanks to God, whether big or small, the more it becomes the song of your heart. When this happens, circumstances will stop distracting you and overwhelming you. You will be so thankful and focused on Christ that satan will not be able to have a stronghold on your vision or be able to distract you from praising God. “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in Him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.” – Colossians 2:6-7

So now, let’s look again at this semester, even this year. What is there to be thankful for? I know I thank God each time I see one of you beautiful young women. It has been a joy to watch Christ transform your lives right before my own eyes. Sure, it has been a crazy semester with everything jam-packed together. But when I stop and finally put on Christ’s eyes, I see miraculous things. I see each of you being pushed and pulled and molded to be more like your Savior each day. I see young women growing and trying new things to the delight of our God. I see our sorority being doubled in size with women who fear the Lord. I see Christ’s love flow freely between each of us. I see us stumble and fall, to only rise to new levels of intimacy with Him. I see a semester pass by in a flash and the year coming to a close while our Father is sitting on the throne delighting in us and dancing over us. I see our living, breathing God orchestrate a marvelous symphony of life that delights and overwhelms my soul to the point where I long to worship Him in awe of the great things He has done.

David’s Prayer from 1 Chronicles 29:10-13:

"Praise be to you, O LORD,
God of our father Israel,
from everlasting to everlasting.
Yours, O LORD, is the greatness and the power
and the glory and the majesty and the splendor,
for everything in heaven and earth is Yours.
Yours, O LORD, is the kingdom;
You are exalted as head over all.
Wealth and honor come from you;
You are the ruler of all things.
In your hands are strength and power
to exalt and give strength to all.
Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name.”

Faith and the Faith-Rest Life

(∆AX Formal Chapter Devotion: October 26, 2008)

Faith is the essence of who we are. It is the foundation of our life. What we have faith in determines whom we serve, what we believe, and how we handle life. We hear the word thrown around in so many ways – Just have faith. Keep the faith. All you need is a little faith. – But what do we really mean when we say it or hear it? We talk about faith, but do we really understand the power that rests in the actual act of living it out? Jesus healed and worked miracles so many times because of people’s faith in Him. When they didn’t have it, He didn’t work the miracle. Our faith can be mountain-moving, if we only let it!

Hebrews 11:1 defines faith as “being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you do not see.” I am sure of my salvation and certain that I am headed to heaven, but do I feel that way about everything else in my life? In all honesty, no, I don’t. But if I can trust the Father with my life because of the salvation He provided us, I should be more than willing to trust Him with my everyday decisions. Romans 8:32 “He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all – how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?” So, whether it is who I am going to marry or what I am going to have for lunch, I need to have faith knowing that God will provided and His promises hold true.

Throughout our bible study, we have been learning about abiding. In essence, the act of abiding is no more than a fancy word to have faith in God through Jesus Christ. Abiding is putting your faith into action. It is resting in Christ to the glory of the Father. By abiding, moment-by-moment, you move into the rest, or peace, that the Lord provides and promises His children.

So how do we get through life with this faith of ours? How does it help us? The concept of faith is carried out through the practice of faith-rest. Faith-rest is claiming a promise from God and moving into a moment-by-moment rest. The moment-by-moment rest is the faith-rest life. This idea of faith-rest is meant to be continuous. It means to have perseverance or patience. But this patience does not mean it sit and twiddle your thumbs hoping that God will come through. To be patient is to be strong and steadfast in believing God’s word, even if you think you have reached the end of your rope.

Faith-rest is also the absence of works. This means that you need to stop trying to do everything yourself and let God do it. Each battle or adversity we face is to be handled by the Lord, not us. When little David went before Goliath, the Philistine, to save his people, he told Goliath that “all those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the LORD saves; for the battle is the LORD’s, and He will give all of you into our hands.” David knew who was fighting his fight and that no one could defeat God. The Lord will take care of His children. Living the faith-rest life means you have a peace in the middle of everything crazy that is going on. It is knowing that God will take you out of the problem or take you through the problem. We don’t have to have the answers and we don’t have to defend ourselves. Our God is our Defender and Deliverer; don’t forget, He’s mighty to save.

Another act of faith-rest is prayer. If we think back, faith-rest is claiming a promise from God and moving into a moment-by-moment rest. In order to claim those promises you must pray. You “draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, where you may receive mercy and may find grace to help you in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16.

Now we know what the faith-rest life is. How do we being to act it out? How do we begin to achieve that moment-by-moment rest in the Lord that our souls ache for? There are three steps. These three steps are there to follow when everything is going crazy, or at least not as you planned, and your emotions and feelings are overwhelming you.

The first thing you do is to claim a promise of God that will sustain you. These promises are found in God’s Word! Too many times we complain that God doesn’t reveal things to us. We forget so easily that when we open our Bible, there is God revealed to us, in our own two hands. It is up to us to seek Him out. By claiming the promises we find in God’s Word, we realize that the situation is not hopeless. God is in control of it all, big or little.
Second, you use that promise in a justification or explanation of the circumstance. Remember that the promise you used in step one is backed by many other related truths. In this step, cling to a larger rock, related truths, to make your faith-rest more effective.
Lastly, reach a conclusion. The explanation from step two should lead you to a conclusion about the situation. You may always accept the conclusion as truth, but faith-rest will bring that conclusion alive so that you find strength, courage and comfort in it.

So let’s take an example of faith-rest. Say that you wanted to be a specific major at school. It was what you had set your heart on – you thought this was what God was calling you to do, you know the whole works. But you didn’t get in. Now you have to completely change your whole plan for college, and in essence, your life. What do you do now? Start the faith-rest drill. Your future looks like it is up in the air and going crazy. But we know that in Jeremiah 29:11 God says “for I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” So, then you pray that to God. You claim that promise in your prayer to Him. Now, from that you move on to an explanation of the situation, a broader truth. In our example, we know the truth that we have a place in the eternal purpose of God. And we know that He has given us everything we need to fulfill our life on earth as He has planned. We know that He will equip us as He sees fit. Lastly, we reach a conclusion from the explanation. In our example, we can conclude that “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” – Romans 8:28.

That is how you act out faith-rest. Now, it is important to understand a few things about faith-rest. It is not an instant gratification kind of thing. If you do it once, it’s probably not going to help. This is something that is continual. It is human nature to do things ourselves, to worry, and to be upset about things. To fight this you have to transform your mind. Romans 12:2 “But be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you will be able to test and approve of what God’s will is – His good, pleasing and perfect will.” Transformation doesn’t happen overnight. It is a continuous process that has to be carried out daily, hourly, even minute-by-minute. This faith-rest must be repeated until it becomes your way of life. It brings God’s Word to life in your own life. It makes the words your read on a page a reality. It will open your eyes to see how little each problem is when you are able to rest and relax in God’s faithfulness and provision.

Another thing about faith-rest: it is for the little and big things. It’s a way of life, not a 9-1-1 call. It is for everything we face that may stress us out. From majors to traffic lights, faith-rest is a way of life that deals with life in the perspective of God’s incredible promises. Use it for everything and completely transform your mind.

So “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” – Proverbs 3:5-6. As a believer, you must mix these promises with your faith. You have to learn them. So read the Word. Hear the Word taught. You must know them. Mediate on the Word. Memorize the Word. Hide the Word in your heart. And then you must believe them. Act in faith-rest.
Once you do, you will reach that state of abiding in the Vine. It is the place of rest that is full of blessing and power. And then, and only then, can you begin to produce to full and sweet fruit that the Father desires from us as His children. Don’t forget, He gives us everything we need to accomplish what He wants; He has given His promises.

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness
through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness.
Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises,
so that through them you may participate in the divine nature.”
2 Peter 1:3-4b

Live the faith-rest life, as the Lord said in Habakkuk 1:5, and be utterly amazed, for the Lord is going to do something in your life that you would not believe, even if you were told.

Confidence in Christ

(∆AX Formal Chapter Devotion: September 28, 2008)

Hebrews 10:39 -
“But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed,
but of those who believe and are saved.”

Too many times as Christians, we let the enemy defeat us before we even begin. Once we wake up, we become consumed with the details of the day that drag us down into worry and confusion. We forget the power that we have within our beings that was placed in us once we believed. We forget that all we need to do is tap into the supernatural strength that resides in us. So let’s dive into the Word and discover how to defeat the daily grind and walk triumphantly with the confidence we have in Christ Jesus.

Acts 6 and 7 recounts the death of Christianity’s first martyr Stephen. Stephen is an awesome example of how to live firmly in the faith, trusting all the promises of God. Acts 6:8 tells us that Stephen was a man full of God’s grace and power. Right away we see that he was an effective life for Christ. He had allowed the Father to use him fully and in turn had been filled with His blessings. The next two words in verse 9 state “opposition arose.” Stephen, a man full of God’s grace and power, was doing great things for the Kingdom. Any time you are being effective for the cause of Christ, you are going to face opposition. The rest of verse 9 and 10 tell us how those opposing Stephen tried to argue with him, but they could not stand up against his wisdom or the Spirit by whom he spoke. Romans 8:31 says, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” No one or nothing can stand against the Spirit of the Living God that resides in us. Acts 7:55-56 – “But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, looked up to heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God. “Look,” he said, “I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God.” - This is a powerful picture of Christ’s protection over Stephen that is also over us. Nothing can ultimately be against us, and even in opposition, Christ is standing guard over our lives offering the ultimate protection. Throughout all of the drama Stephen was facing, he still glorified God and kept His peace. Even while he was being stoned to death, Stephen knew where he was going. He wasn’t worried. He asked the Lord to receive his spirit. Stephen’s final words echo the last few words we hear Christ speak while He was on the cross. Stephen drops to his knees and asks the Lord to not hold their sin of killing him against them. This just shows how real and living Stephen’s faith was. He had victory over death already because Christ gave it to all of us with His death on the cross. He was not bitter or revengeful, but full of the grace of forgiveness and love that comes from being forgiven by the Lord through our salvation in Christ. Stephen’s reaction comes from using and living in the freedom and victory that Christ gives us.

We need to have the confidence in Christ that even in the face of death, we have victory over the world and all of its struggles. Let’s look at some of the insight that we can draw from Stephen’s example. First, we will face opposition. It can come in many forms: direct conflict, some simple annoyance that throws our focus off, physical pain, busyness, schoolwork, mental attitudes, emotions that toy with us… anything tangible or intangible can and most likely will oppose us. It can be small or large. The only thing it needs to do to be effective is pull our focus off of Christ. Once we step off the firm foundation, which is the Lord, we are susceptible to all kinds of attacks that will take us down. At the end of the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus talks about wise and foolish builders. Those that withstand the storm build their house on a rock, which is Christ. The rain may come down, the stream may rise, and the wind may blow and beat against the house, but it will not fall because it has its foundation on the rock. How we defeat the storm, is to stay focused on Christ and stand firm in the confidence that you know who you are because of Him who saved you.

Secondly, we see the protection and peace that Christ offers us in times of opposition. When Stephen looked up and saw Christ standing up at the right hand of God, he knew that His Lord was standing watch over him and his life. Although, physically Stephen may have died, he knew Christ was watching over his spirit and would not let him be defeated. Looking in the Old Testament, we go to the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in Daniel 3. The three men of God refused to serve the gods and gold idols of Nebuchadnezzar, the king of Babylon. As punishment, they were to be thrown into a furnace and be burned to death. In fact, the king had the furnace heated seven times hotter than usual and the soldiers that bound and threw the men in were killed by the intensity of the heat. But when the king looked into the fire, he saw four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed. He even stated that fourth man walking around looked like a son of gods. Once Nebuchadnezzar ordered the men to be taken out, they were found to be completely unharmed and did not even smell of fire. This is how our God protects us. When the world puts us through fire hotter than we can imagine, Jesus Christ walks right beside us through it protecting our spirit and setting us free from any binding power that is upon us. Where do we find this protection? We look to the Word of God. The word of God is a powerful weapon in our lives. Hebrews 4:12 tells us that it is sharper than any double-edged sword. It is the Sword of the Spirit. In addition to arming ourselves with the armor of God as written in Ephesians 6 starting in verse 11, our only offensive weapon is the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. If we hold firm to the promises of the Word that God has given us, nothing can defeat us or keep our mind off of the peace that is in Christ.

Knowing that we are protected, especially in time of opposition, we need to remember that we also already live in freedom and victory. As much as opposition and Satan like to think that they can defeat us, the truth is that Christ has already overcome them. 1 Corinthians 15:54-58 “When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: ‘Death has been swallowed up in victory.’ ‘Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?’ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” We have already received the victory over death. What else is there left to conquer? In fact Romans 8:37 says that “no, in all these things we are MORE THAN conquerors through Him who loved us.” And Jesus Himself says in John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” And again in 1 John 4:4 “You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the One who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.” The power of Christ and the Holy Spirit in us is greater than anything thing we may face, big or small, today or tomorrow. In Galatians 5:1 Paul calls us to live in the freedom that Christ gave us: “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” We have already been set free. Do not be burdened again by anything else of this world. For the burden that Christ has given us is light and easy. We don’t need to carry anything else.

Now that we know these powerful truths of the Word, we must persevere. Hebrews 10:19-23 “Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, His body, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.” Verses 35-39 “So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. For in just a very little while, ‘He who is coming will come and will not delay, But my righteous one will live be faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.’ But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.” Hebrews 10 is a call for us to persevere in this world. We know that we have been cleansed through Christ’s blood. We know that our Savior intercedes on our behalf for all of our needs. We have no need to be guilty, but instead walk in the purity that our bodies have been washed in. When we persevere through opposition and fire, we are walking in the will of God. And as we continue to walk in the will of God, we will receive all that He has promised us. James echoes that promise in James 1:12 “Blessed is the man who persevere under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.” And here is the best part – it’s a sure thing – “for He who promised is faithful.” God will never go back on His Word. 2 Timothy 2:13 “If we are faithless, He will remain faithful, for He cannot disown Himself.” Our God’s promises are not empty, but full of power. 1 Corinthians 4:20 “For the kingdom of God is not a matter talk, but of power.” So claim victory in your Lord. Walk confidently that He will fulfill His Word in you in His timing. Claim the Lord’s blessings over your life and expect to see them. He delights to bless you. He will not give you anything that you can’t handle. And in Romans 8:28 “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

So, walk confidently in Christ this week and forevermore. Don’t wake up in defeat before you begin your day. Instead wake up, knowing that you will face opposition, but that you have already overcome it through Christ Jesus our Savior. Hold firm to the faith that you possess for He who promised is faithful. Look neither to the right or left or behind, but instead keep your eyes focused forward and toward Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith. Let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. And know that all that is in Christ is dwelling with in you through the Holy Spirit. Merely tap in the great power that we have been given as co-heirs of Christ and children of the King of Glory, the mighty and great living God. “I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of His mighty strength, which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under His feet and appointed Him to be head over everything for the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 1:17-23

Remember:

“But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed,
but of those who believe and are saved.”
Hebrews 10:39

i have met with God

Thanks to Donald Miller, the author of Blue Like Jazz, for allowing God to use him so powerfully through his book.  This is what God revealed to me, what He told me, what He is changing about me while I worked myself through Don's book.

I have met with God so intimately, so real, today, and yet, I didn’t hear a word, nor did I utter a single word!

How sweet it the name of Jesus on my lips! I am completely intoxicated with His overwhelming love.  Praise be to God for opening my eyes, for stripping away my heart until bareness is left.  Now He can begin to mold me.  Now he can begin to transform me.  This is where the freedom commences; the freedom of brokenness.  I had to be broken of myself, my self-addition, before God could use me any further.  Sure, I might have been effective at times, but how much more effective, and even more so, how much better is my effectiveness for Christ now that it is driven by Christ and founded and consumed in Christ and His love and His way of Life? 

And yet, where does it all begin?  How did I get to this life-transforming, earth-shattering truth? The transformation from self-addiction, to Jesus-addiction.  This is where it starts.  What a wretched human I am.  I am drawn to darkness, to sin, to selfishness.  Since the fall of man and Adam, we are born into the original sin.  It’s our nature to not do or be good.  And on top of that, Satan takes advantage of it, and full advantage at that.  I am selfish, extremely selfish.  I am wrapped in a world of me. It revolves around me. It stars me.  It is me.  And you would think that it is all fine and dandy, and hey, I get my way right? What’s not to love?  Here is the catch: everything! It’s miserable.  I am so self-conscience so caught up in worrying about myself that I am miserable.  I am negative. I am frustrated.  I am depressed.  Here is where the rest of the sin originates: within myself.  I am hateful because of this, judgmental because of this, prideful because of this, impatient because of this, critical because of this.  This is the overflow of my heart.  My thoughts and my actions attest to this disgusting disease of self-addiction that consumes my soul.  And here is the worst part of and for self-addiction: I can’t rescue myself.  I can’t fix it and make it O.K.  I can’t pull myself out of this pit of muck and mire.  I can’t do it by myself.  So, there is NO WAY that it can be all about me if I want to get out of this trap of despair.

So am I willing to let it go?  Willing to release myself of this addiction that is worse than drugs or alcohol or money or anything else? Am I ready to give it up? Yes! Yes I am! I am ready to breathe, to be free, to live with no worries or fear.  Then how?  This is where the Jesus-addiction begins.  This is where life becomes real and meaningful.  When I start living for my Lord and Savior is when I start truly living.  So where to begin? With confession which leads to rescue and redemption.  So I am sorry, for everything. I am sorry to both my God and to the world.  I am judgmental about people.  I withhold love, the love so freely given to me.  I dole it out based on my approval for people, or when I feel like, not unconditionally, not all the time.  I am sorry for using the cross as a power tool.  I have taken advantage of the church for leadership opportunities not because of humility and love, but because of power and a need for control.  I am sorry for being selfish, for not wanting to move out of my comfort zone.  I am sorry my short temper when things don’t go my way, even a little bit.  I am sorry for my underlying motives in friendships and relationships.  I am sorry for my hidden agendas in conversations and questions.  I am sorry for my passive aggressiveness which ultimately accomplishes nothing except for strife and further anger.  I am sorry for my apathy about situations.  I am sorry for my lack of follow-through with relationships and people. I am sorry for my negative attitude, for my critical spirit.  I am sorry for my harsh, sharp words to others, especially when they have gone against me. I am sorry for my retaliations to others.  I am sorry for my lack of passion for helping the poor and homeless.  I am sorry for not following Your commands, for not living as You have lived.  I am sorry for peddling Your Gospel as though it is something to sell.  I am sorry passing up opportunities to talk about You or just to get to know someone because I didn’t want to be bothered.   This list goes on and on.  I am prone to darkness, prone to wander. I can’t save myself.  I can’t heal my hurt.  This is what I have learned: nothing is going to change until I change the person I see in the mirror. 

But how do I do this? I can’t do it through self-discipline.  I have tried. It may be possible for short period, for a stretch, but ultimately, and for good? Absolutely not.  I don’t have the strength, or the will power. On top of that, all those rules, those regulations, it is so burdening, not freeing, not good and relaxing.  It is worse than before. All it is is going through the motions of a self-righteous, self-disciplined life.  It is impossible to love the things that Jesus loved and wants us to love, the things of Heaven, without His help.  I can’t do it on my own.  My nature is darkness, but His nature is light.  But here is the best part: I have a rescuer.  Jesus will save me.  Better yet, Jesus has saved me.  He has reached down, out of heaven, and pulled me out of this darkness.  He has put me in His light.  Praise be to God! I can see! I was so blind because of the darkness, but now I can see! He has forgiven me for all that I have done. I am not above His grace, not above His charity.  I am not too proud to accept His unconditional love for me. I am humbling myself to accept all He has to offer me.  When I begin to receive His love, truly receive His unconditional love, I begin to fall in love with Him and in turn, I will have the fuel I need to obey Him and His commands.  And that starts today, right now, in this very moment. This is where God changes my character with the passion of His love! I am ready to be loved by my Creator.  I am ready to be wooed and swept off my feet and away into the life He has had for me since the beginning of time!

So it is time for a change.  I am ready to change.  I am ready to change from a passive, relaxed, lazy Christian into a passionate Christian, a Christian who truly lives for Christ, a Christian whose belief is what she does, not what she says.  I am ready to be a practicing Christian.  I am ready to move from the Christian who uses Jesus like a whore.  I have put up false gods and idols because God doesn’t bend to jump through my hoops, and this frustrates me.  Now it is going to change.  By the mighty hand of God it is going to change.  It is now time for my faith to be about spirituality, not pride, ego, and self-image.  I have believed in Him. I have professed Him. Now it is time that I follow Him with my life, with my whole heart.  I am here on earth as a temporary thing.  I am tempted and will be tempted by satan.  But, I am here, being preserved to tell and show those who don’t know about our Savior, our Redeemer, our Father.  The world is fallen.  It can’t save itself.  I am here to shout out to those needing to be rescued, “Follow me and trust God.”  “Follow me as I follow the example of Christ.” This is why I will be able to go through each day not knowing the next step, the next turn.  I can go because my God leads me and has ALREADY rescued me.  What else do I have to fear?  God has reached out.  He has rescued me.  Now I stand here, ready to trust, beginning to trust God and learning to live by His precepts that I might be preserved to bring Him glory and fulfill His purpose alone. 

Now that I know this, it is time for me to believe, to truly believe.  Not just to talk about it, or think about it, but instead to act about it.  Satan has tried, and to some success for sure, to get us to believe meaningless things for meaningless reason, or even more, to believe meaningful things for meaningless reasons.  My belief has become what is cool, what is neat, what others think.  But it can’t be that. True belief in Christ isn’t that shallow and can NEVER be that shallow.  True and deep belief comes with responsibility. It comes with a responsibility to act, to move, to obey.  True and deep belief costs something.  That is hard for me.  That is hard for my selfish, self-addicted nature.  True, deep belief is about accepting both the truth and the responsibility that comes with it.  Passion is great, but what is it when it is fueled by nothingness.  When true belief is acquired, passion, meaningful and Spirit-driven passion, will follow naturally.  It will be second nature.  You can’t have true passion without true belief in something.  In my case, my true belief is in Christ Jesus, in how He rescued me, in how He leads me, in how He loves me, and in how He moves me.  It is time to get back to the basics.  It is time to get simple.  What I believe is not what I say; what I believe is what I do.  End of story, no questions asked.  It is time to start living like a Christian, a Christ-follower, a “little Christ”.  It can be easy to die for something, to soak up the glory, but it is time to live! I have life and I have it to the fullest thanks to my Savior, Redeemer, and Rescuer Jesus Christ.  So now it is time to live it like I have it.  It is time to live like I believe it. It is time to show people that Jesus loves them and that He is important.  That is only going to happen if I step, act out, and obey God’s commands.  So forgive me for having such an exclusive hold on the truth.  Forgive me for holding back.  It is time to lead a missional life. I want to live the change.  It’s time for a change. 

How does this change begin for me? For me, it is with love.  It begins with how I love others, myself, and God.  Love is not a commodity.  It is free. It is a gift.  It is a gift we have been given that we must receive.  It is a gift that we must give.  It is a gift that comes from God.  Everyone is priceless in His eyes.  We are not the judge of whom we want to love and whom we don’t want to love.  I have to love everyone.  I have to love the things of God.  That is everything.  Every man, every woman, every child, every person.  This is why I am here, to love. To love like Jesus loved and still loves.  The only way I will be able to share Jesus is if people know that I love them, that I like them.  Then my belief will matter to them.  But not until then will it matter.   The difference starts in me, in my freedom, not with others.  If I can’t change myself then I surely cannot change other people.  Change, true and lasting change, is started, carried out, and finished by God and God alone.  This is why we ask God to change our hearts.  Only He can do it.  Only He can truly do it and it will last.  My part in the change is to love.  It is to show the love of God and its transforming power.  It is to show that I care and will always approve because my Father has always approved.  It is to nurture in a physical way so that spirituality can be fostered.  It is time to love with actions and in truth.  It is time to love everyone, regardless of their beliefs, their loves, their way of life, their body, their style, their habits, their vices.  It is time to love people just because they exist, not for any other reason, or any hidden reason. It is time to love unconditionally.  It is time to love through Christ and from God. 

As for myself, it is time that I love myself.  It is time for me to stop cutting myself down.  It is time to stop thinking negative and destructive thoughts.  This is not how I would love others.  Love your neighbor as yourself.  I must love myself with love and affirmation that comes from God above.  Not from the world, or from satan, but purely from the throne of God.  It is not O.K. to beat myself up.  It is not wrong for me to receive love both from God and from others.  I would be a hypocrite if that was true.  If I want to give love, then I need to receive love, too.  The more I accept the love God has for me, the more I will change into His likeness.  The more I drink of His love, the more I will be transformed. 

Lastly, I will love God. I will be in awe of Him.  I will not reduce Him to an equation on a page, a list of rules on a poster, or a bunch of words in a book.  I will stand in absolute awe and wonder that He is who He is, that He has done what He has done, and for me!  I will not try to chart Him on a map or try to figure out where He is going.  None of that matters.  I may have questions, but I don’t need answers.  I have a peace, a peace that surpasses all understanding.  I have a peace that penetrates to my soul and allows my heart to rest fully within God.  This life, this real relationship with Jesus is mystical, magical, and spiritual.  It sweeps me off my feet into a place of love, hope, and peace.  The more I am lost in Him, the more I am able to worship Him.  I am free.  I don’t need to know anything except that God loved me so much that He sent His only Son to rescue me from a fallen world.  I am ready to fear God, to tremble in His presence because of Him majesty, awe, and wonder.  This is where true belief, true love, and true worship begins.   I am free.  I am free to breathe, to live, to act.  I am free to sing. Free to sing a song of hope, of life, of beauty, of truth, and mostly, a song of love. Praise be to God, the One and Only!

my love to you in Christ Jesus,

ashleigh